by Pallas Hutchison

Some clients get embarrassed if they fall asleep and snore during a massage or if they relax completely and a fart escapes. I'd like to reassure you that, if and when those things happen, there is no need to get embarrassed. To help set you at ease, I thought I would share a few of funny moments where I have been embarrassed, as the massage therapist.

The Hairpiece Incident
When in massage school, students are required to work in the clinic on the general public for practice to learn the techniques. During one of these supposedly routine Swedish massages, I had this little old Italian woman as a client. She could have been straight out of a mafia movie from the funeral scene: shroud-like black dress, black hat with the little veil attached. The massage proceeded like normal until I got to the end. I was finishing up by massaging her scalp. All of the sudden, I was holding her hair in my hands.

It had never occurred to me to ask a woman if she was wearing a hairpiece before. In truth, all of the hairpieces I had ever seen were on men and sadly obvious attempts to cover balding. (Keep in mind that I was 19-20 at the time.) I was horrified! Ever since, I have made sure there is a hairpiece question on my intake form.

The Full Frontal
When I first graduated massage school, I worked at the Penny House Inn in Eastham. The owner had converted one of the guest rooms into a spa treatment room. The set up was beautiful; plenty of room for the massage therapist to get around the table plus a private bathroom. One client decided halfway through her massage that she needed to use the bathroom. Without any warning, she flung the sheets off of her, pops up from the table and goes to use the facilities. All this is done very nonchalantly despite the fact that she is completely nude.

I had only graduated a few months before. Full frontal nudity is not something I expected when I went to work that day. Blushing furiously, I kept my back turned so that she would have some privacy when she returned to the table to finish her massage. Now, I always ask clients to use the bathroom before the massage starts.

The Ninja Grandma
For some reason, little old lady stories are inherently funny. In this particular incident, an elderly woman came in for a relaxation massage. We went through the intake form and I show her to the massage room. She's moving slow, using a cane to walk. I start to explain that I would like her to get undressed and onto the table, that I would knock before coming back in...

The next thing I know, clothes fly everywhere. This seemingly frail woman is naked and catapulting herself onto the table before I have a chance to finish my sentence, let alone leave the room! Never in my life would I have expected this woman to move so quickly! Privacy to undress and proper draping are as a much for the massage therapist's modesty as for the client's. If you aren't shy, please remember that I am!

I hope you enjoyed these stories. Did you have a funny massage experience, as a massage therapist or as a client? Share it below!